I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE POUR KETCHUP ALL OVER THE FRENCH FRIES INSTEAD OF A DESIGNATED CORNER AND THEY OFFER ME SOME LIKE NO FUCK YOU AND YOUR TAINTED FRENCH FRIES
February 26, 2005. my dad died from a drug over dose at the age of 44. he once said to me that his dad died at the age of 44, and after that one of our favorite tv characters died at the age of 44. my dads worst nightmare was to die at 44… Friday, February 24, 2006. i was taken from my mother after i got off the bus with 3 police cars in the drive way. i was placed in an abusive foster home and stayed there for 2 years. i can easily say i hate fucking February
Faith in my Russian heritage.
she used that as a toothpick
Just sitting in class thinking… It’s what i’ve been doing for 3 hours now. Different places but the sane thing… I don’t pay attention in class because thoughts run through my head faster then the teacher speaks. My thoughts are more luring. Like a sirens song to a sailor… I want to his go deeper into thought but I know it’ll just hurt in the long run…but I can’t help it. I realize what I feel is a familiar emotion… I feel abandoned. I feel thrown out. to the people that always come first to me, I come last to them. be it a phone, drugs, or pets. I come last… I waited for my girlfriend to say happy anniversary on our 9 month… Or remember why I hate a certain store, or why the date was so depressing for me… She didn’t remember anything until I told her later that night.. all I said was happy anniversary and she tried playing it off like she remembered… I know she has her own problems, and i’m always there for her. But sometimes I’d be like to be able to talk to her with out her trying to avoid something from me. Or just avoid me… I miss talking to her and just spending time with her… Now i’m lucky to see her once a week, and talk to her longer then an hour a day… I enjoy the time we do spend together and usually it’s the highlight of my week. Nothing makes me happier then to be with her.. I love her with all my heart and soul and would never want anyone else… But I keep telling my self things will get better and I continue to this second to say that.. all I have is hope that things will get back to the way they were… End of thought… For now
If I didn’t have my music to drown out the noise of the world around me, I probably would’ve snapped along time ago. I would probably be one of those kids getting high off anything I could get my hands on. before I used to smoke weed, and a lot if it… I remember one summer I lived with a friends cousin who I barely knew for 2 Weeks just to smoke weed every night. I was not proud if me doing it. But I did it to escape from the everyday dull life… It got my mind off of everything. but I quit for my own reasons, i’m glad I did.
I wake up to my step dad yelling at me because my puppy went to the restroom on the hard wood floor… He yells at me as if i’m directly responsible for the mess, as if i’m the one that took the shit on the floor. Then he literally throws a toddlers temper tantrum, jumps up and down waving his arms and screams. still depressed from my thoughts last night all I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and sleep. I’m running out of distractions and i’m not sure what to do next. go on a rampage and beat the shit out of anyone in my way, or smile and nod as I die a little more inside every second…
i’m looking for comfort on the internet… i know there’s none to be found but it serves as a distraction… yesterday was the 7th year anniversary for me being put in a foster home and 2 weeks before that was the 8th year anniversary of my dad’s death. the longer time goes on it gets harder and harder to remember him… and i don’t want to forget him. he loved me so much and did everything to make me happy, i miss my dad with every ounce of my being… i’ve been thinking about him lately and i found myself stuck in thought and i couldn’t help but to bawl my eyes out and wish we could go fishing one last time… or even got the chnce to tell him i loved him before he died…
You know…I really do. I post that stuff too. It’s nice when people give shits
The Perfect Valentine’s Day